Schmucksite

Schmucksite has moved!

2005-07-05T22:19:00.000+08:00

Yes. As Frus predicted, I have gotten tired of NOT only the template, but the whole of schmucksite.blogspot.com and has therefore moved to my new home. Missed that link? Here, lemme give you a hand. CLICK HERE TO BE REDIRECTED TO MY NEW BLOG.

Hehe.

Why did I decide to move?

Well, like I said, I got bored and heck, tabulas has more features than blogspot. Not to mention the bloggerimage thing just isn't working (I've tried 3 times to upload a pic, but no result. Blehh.).

Anyways, it's been a fun few months and thanks, Blogger, for the good times we had.

To those who have linked or bookmarked me, please kindly change the link and bookmark. Thanks a lot! Love you all!
Now stop reading this and go check out my new blog!

Random-ness

2005-07-03T17:26:00.000+08:00

Today, my sister and I were stuck in Pasar Seni Putra LRT Station for 15 mins, running around and getting sweatier, not to mention ANGRIER and more frustrated by the minute. No we're not joining some treasure hunt. It's because ALL the dumb ticket vending machines are not working. I think they all hate us, because some machines do happily accept money from other people. My sis and I went from one machine to the other (we HAD to queue, of course, just to reach the front and find out the damned machine discriminates against my money) but to no avail. In the end, we decided to get the ticket manually and HOLY COW! The fucking queue is meters long WITH ONLY ONE TICKET COUNTER OPEN. Thanks a lot Putra LRT. So I queued and getting more stressed out by the minute because my parents are already waiting ~~impatiently~~ at the Kelana Jaya station. I don't want to kena sound from them, obviously. WHEN I finally reached the front of the damned queue, my sister informed me that we are to take the STAR LRT to Seri Petaling instead. #$^#$!#%$^#%^$!!!!!! 15 minutes of my life wasted!!!

Not to mention that Pasar Seni is quite a popular station with lotsa foreigners using it. Is this the kind of image we wanna portray to the rest of the world? Lousy machines, understaffed ticket booths (especially on a SUNDAY afternoon)...IT ALL SCREAMS INEFFICIENCY. Not surprising, really, seeing that our you-know-what also is inefficient, so I guess the private sector takes their cue from it.

I was reading Cheneille's blog entry and I found that the P.S section is particularly true.

p.s. : There was something else I realized while waiting by the roadside for my mother to arrive. I hadn't got a clue what to do because I was never taught how to handle accidents. Why didn't my 12 years of education come in handy? I read in Chicken Soup for the Soul once. A girl wondered what to do when a boy kisses her. Where should she look? Whay should she do with her hands? Should she say thank you afterwards? THESE important things in life are what the so-called educators should've taught us in school, and these are exactly the things they have neglected to mention.

Book smarts is NOT enough for survival, especially in times of such violence. Take for example you got involved in an accident. Book smarts will tell you to get the other driver's IC and license and go to the police station, so you dutifully get out of the car to "negotiate" with the other driver. BUT the other driver might be a lunatic and suffering from violent tendencies. When he sees you approaching, he'll just take out a parang and chop your head off, or run you over with his car (it actually happened in Malaysia :( ) . See? a street smart person, on the other hand, would evaluate the situation and get the heck out of the place if they sense something is wrong. Screw rules and procedures. Why bother to be such a stickler if you're going to end up as roadkill?

There are so many things that we need to learn to actually survive in life. Most of us are sheltered and, when faced with a dilemma, are at a loss of what to do. This leaves us vulnerable for manipulation by tricksters and conmen. To me, I equate street smarts with being worldwise. You know exactly how people's mind works and what they are out for (which is themselves, by the way). There is no rose-tinted glasses and you see the world as it is - no idealism, no naivete.

So how does one actually be street smart? I guess the only way to accumulate "street smartness" is to actually go out there and experience life in all its glory or otherwise. Note that I didn't say "enjoy". You gotta get down and dirty and fight your way up. Which is why I'm rooting for the Street Smarts Team in The Apprentice. I think they'll win, because no amount of books can tell you how to do business perfectly- after all, humans are emotional creatures and are very, very unpredictable.

Real life, baby, is not contained within the books.

P/S - Today is the first day I don't have a social outing and I'M BORED already! How will I survive 2 months?! Shit! If only I had unlimited cash, then I'll buy books and books and books and dvds and go shopping. ARGH! Boredom! HELP!

One of the greatest mysteries of mankind.

2005-07-03T02:00:00.000+08:00

Don't read if you get angry easily.

Girls will never understand why guys. :-

love football. What's so interesting about kicking a ball to and fro on a field? What type of exercise is this? Can't even exercise your arms. Cheh. Gimme basketball any day.

love watching football. What's so interesting about watching 11 (or is it 12?) sweaty men kicking a ball to and fro on a field and getting all emotional about the score? Well, I can't understand why people like to watch basketball games like NBA also, so this applies across the board for all sports. EXCEPT F1 :)

love DOTA or any other online multiplayer game for that matter. Why? Really. Go to a cybercafe to waste money somemore. To release stress? For escapism? It's not as if when you become a "Hero" then all the troubles will immediately vanish. Furthermore, nice to play meh, the games? Guys...*rolls eyes* 'nuff said.

love watching porn. *sigh* Are guys such ~~stupid~~ simple creatures they are satisfied with just boobs and butt and mindless fucking? On second thoughts, don't answer that.

thinks that just because a girl is "hot", then it's all right to start a relationship with the said person, even though the guy might not really like the girl. Is looks all that matters? Even though the relationship might be doomed from the beginning, a guy would nonetheless want to try their luck with the "hot" girl. Why? Isn't it a waste of time? Are relationships such insignificant matters to guys?

are willing to spend so much on cars/computers/gadgets. Okay, girls spend just as much on clothes too, but then, remember, we need to wear clothes everyday.

are such suckers for pretty/sexy/cute girls. Most guys I know think that this girl is an angel, even though she's really ~~a bitch~~ not one. Guys are just blinded. Or maybe the girl just can act really well. Another case in point. Why is it that people tend to employ pretty girls for promotional activities or sales? That's cos GUYS ARE SUCKERS. Urgh. It's disgusting how guys all gravitate towards hot chicks and can barely keep their saliva in their mouths.

are led by their lower regions. If offered a chance to have sex with no strings attached, I doubt there would be many guys who would turn that offer down.

Basically, why are guys so "sexually" oriented? Some enlightened and highly liberal girls know this, adevertising comapnies know this (who do you think came up with the theory of "Sex Sells"?), the rest of the world knows this. ONLY guys don't or choose to ignore it even if they do, because all they want to do is ogle.

Ah damn sleepy to think of any more. Somemore having gastric. Ish. Do note that I'm not saying all guys are like that...just the majority..like 99.99% :P Fuck off if you think it's biased. I admit it. It is biased. I'm not writing for a damned newspaper.

Will add more when I think of why guys are so *frustratingly* guys. Does it all boil down to the Y-chromosome? *sigh* If that were true, then there's no hope for mankind, ever. :P

And nope, I'm not making a separate list for girls. We are all perfect. It's not our fault that some girls exploit your weaknesses. Blame it on your lack of willpower to resist.

Goodnight. Hope you guys have some wet dreams and, girls, don't hold out for your dream to come true. :)

Why do I keep blogging about love?

2005-07-02T01:31:00.000+08:00

If its' real, if it's true love , then it'll always be there. You can pretend its gone, and even move on. But that love , it's still there. In the depths of your mind, sometimes a single object or song triggers it all, and you're right back where you started - in the arms of the one you lost...

As a tear in her eye rolls down her cheek,
As he looks back but decides not to speak,
They both turn away with one question in mind,
Is falling in love a waste of time?
Some may say yes, Some may say no
But who decides which path they should go?
Deep in his heart, he cannot see
Unless he finds the one who has the key,
When does he know that it is time,
To forget everything and jump in blind?
Yes, it is a big step to take
Will he regret the decisions he makes?
Once all is well and he think it's OK
He sees the one that he turned away,
He starts to think and reminisce
About that first night, that first beautiful kiss
But he thinks about the fights and all the pain
Is love really worth going insane?
As he closes his eyes and turns around
He starts to hear that beautiful sound
Everything seems right with cupid at his side
Nothing can change what he decides
He turns back around to speak his mind
And open his heart just one more time
But to his surprise as he turns his neck
He gets a glimpse and starts to regret
Everything he thought that was so right
Has just vanished in one quick sight
He sees her now, she's happy not sad
His heart fills with pain, but he's not mad
The sight of her with some other guy
He feels a tear within his eye
Once again he decides not to speak
As a tear in his eye rolls down his cheek.

He's going to smile and make her think he's happy, he's going to laugh, so she dont see him cry, He's going to let her go in style, and even if it kills him- He's going to smile. Loving someone who doesn't love you back is like reaching for a star. You know you'll never make it, but you just keep on trying... Hoping that one day the star will drop on you...

Does things always happen this way?

Once more, the above is plucked from the hallowed Bulletin Boards of Friendster (I know. It's filled with crap surveys 99% of the time, but once in a while, inspirational stuff like this appear).

First, let me tell you why I like that bulletin. The poem itself explains everything. Wonderful rhythm. Reading it is so pleasurable, right? It's simple yet gets the message across effectively. And the second reason is of course, the message itself.

It's extremely poignant and eloquent, isn't it? And once more, proves that everyone is indeed out to look for love. Aih. I'm quite tired to philosophise about love today, so just appreciate the bulletin, the message and your other half because, as Sinthi puts it, true love is hard to find.

Moving on to less brainy matters.

Wah. A Levels is finally over. Yes, I know it's a bit belated, but I have been busy right up to my sockets. I just hope I don't have to resit certain papers :( Then I'll have to eat my word with lotsa mayonnaise. Another chapter in my life is over and soon, I'll be in uni. Farewell, days of lesser responsibilities. After 4 years of Uni, then it's headlong into the working world where corporate politics is the name of the game. There will be no more holidays until you retire :( Which is why I'm so tempted to take 6 months break and start my uni in January. Donnola. Depends on my results first.

Ish. Seems like a few days of not blogging has sucked my blogging juices dry. :( Oh well. It's late now and I have to wake up early tomoro...going out again. Bankrupt already :( Hehe. Good night. Hopefully I'll be able to come up with more creative and interesting entries, FOR YOUR SAKE. Hahahaha! :P

Have a good day, everyone! :)

NO TIME.

2005-06-28T00:34:00.000+08:00

Ah this is an ironic title. I have FINALLY finished my exams and, along with it, my A Levels programme, but I have no time to type a proper entry.

Currently it's 12.31 am Tuesday and I still have so much things to do before I go to bed and wake up at 6 am.

I have to finished watching Memento and return it to Nick.

I have to finish packing because I'm staying over at Selina's house tomorrow.

I have to brainstorm with Alia about certain stuff.

I have to take care of my personal appearance.

I have to figure out a way how to last throughout the week without getting broke (going out everyday 0_0. HOW?!)

I have to go out with all my Aussie friends who are back before they leave in 2 weeks time.

I MUST get the job at Citibank!

AHHHHHH I'm so frazzled. Ish. And I thought that my time after exams will be spent relaxing.

Most probably I won't be updating this entire week. Going to be flitting around town. Whoopee!

Talk to you all later. Don't miss me!

What?! Why can't this happen in Malaysia?! 50PENCE!

2005-06-23T01:33:00.000+08:00

Angry wife sells DJ's £25,000 car for 50p

Jun 20 2005

By Campbell Docherty

The scorned wife of a Birmingham DJ has taken her revenge for an on-air remark by selling his luxury sports car on the internet for 50p.

Controversial Kerrang 105.2 presenter Tim Shaw's "pride and joy" - a Lotus Esprit Turbo worth about £25,000 - was sold by his wife Hayley while he was presenting his Asylum show on Thursday night.

Mrs Shaw, aged 27, said her husband's flirtatious interview with glamour model Jodie Marsh earlier that night had been the "last straw" in their relationship.

At one point, Mrs Shaw heard her husband tell Marsh he would leave his wife and two daughters for her.

Immediately, Mrs Shaw put the car up for sale on the ebay auction website and included a "Buy Now" price of 50p.

Not surprisingly, the car was only on the site for five minutes before it was snapped up.

The item description read: "I need to get rid of this car immediately - ideally in the next two to three hours before my... husband gets home to find it gone and all his belongings in the street.

"I am the registered owner and I have the log book. Please only buy if you can pick up tonight."

Mrs Shaw told The Birmingham Post: "When he said he would leave me and the kids for Jodie Marsh, that was it for me.

"He has two daughters. One of them goes to school. I am sick of him disrespecting his family for the sake of his act. Maybe it was childish but I had had a few drinks that night and I just thought I would get him back the best way I could.

"The car is his pride and joy but the idiot put my name on the logbook so I just sold it.

"I didn't care about the money, I just wanted to get him back."

The Birmingham Post was unable to contact Mr Shaw for comment through the Kerrang 105.2 offices yesterday.

His wife said: "I don't know if he knows it has gone yet. He came back that night to find all his clothes in the street. He has tried to call me a couple of times but I haven't taken them.

"There is no hope for a reconciliation. There have been a few things but this was the last straw.

"He is always talking about Jodie Marsh and how much he fancies her but he didn't tell me she was going to be on the show.

"He was all over her during the interview, it was pathetic. They were both being flirtatious and then he said what he said. I am sick of being disrespected."

The Birmingham Post has spoken to the buyer but he does not want to be named.

Ahhhh. I can't believe it's for real! What an offer! Lucky buyer.

Maybe I should trawl ebay during my free time too. :P

By the way, YOU GO, GIRL!

Voila!

2005-06-22T17:49:00.000+08:00

See, I told you people I'll get tired of the template and change :)

Don't really know why I got sick of it so fast. And after all the trouble I took configuring it *grumbles*

Oh well.

This is much better, right? :)

When I was a little girl...

2005-06-22T03:30:00.000+08:00

After sitting for a paper in any exam, I have one simple rule to follow - NEVER START STUDYING ON THAT NIGHT FOR THE NEXT PAPER*. Call it plain laziness or a justifiable reward, it doesn't matter :P.

* - If the paper is the next day, then too bad :( No resting.

So there I was, with the whole night to while away. What a luxurious quandary - to be able to think about what to do to occupy my precious bit of free time. The obvious answer would be to go online, blog, surf, chat etc (yes, very no life). One minor problem though - my sister has hijacked the laptop!

Not to worry! I won't be defeated so easily! Next plan!

As I was still highly inspired by the Daniel Beddingfield lyrics (read here), I felt like writing to see if I'm able to put my feelings into words. So, for the umpteenth time, I decided to start an honest-to-goodness-pen-and-paper journal. (Actually I do have one, but it's for intensely private stuff only. This new one is supposed to chronicle my random thoughts and poem inspirations when the laptop is not available).

Being such a notebook junkie, I was sure that I would have one or two fancy unused notebooks lying around. Thus begin the search (my room is ultra messy).

Oho! Look what I found!

My long-forgotten journal! (One of many, I may add.)

Obviously, I quickly flipped it open to see what the younger me used to write. The first entry was dated 14/12/98 and the last was 18/02/00. That would mean the journal chronicled the thoughts of a 12-year-old till 14-year-old AhJin.

Hehehe. The 19-year-old AhJin rub her hands in glee. How very interesting to see what my past self was up to. Also, close friends would know that I have a horrible memory (in fact, Sinthi just told me that a few hours ago), so this trip down memory lane could also jog some long-forgotten brain cells.

In anticipation, I flip to the first entry, read it, went on to the second entry and continued till I finished it. *heartfelt sigh* I cannot believe how shallow I was. Or rather, how much more shallow I was compared to now.

Of all the 22 entries (yes, 2 years, but only 22 entries. How I've grown up now...in more ways than one), I think 90% was talking about boys. OMYGAWD! I'm so traumatised. No doubt, I do still talk about guys occasionally, but I wasn't aware that I was such a "boy-crazy" girl. Or maybe I just forgot.

Let me tell you about my *ahem* past self.

Throughout the course of my lower secondary high school life, I have developed numerous crushes on older students in my school. All of them were older than me. They ranged from age 15-17 (I was 13, remember). Since my high school was such a teeny school with a even teenier student population, the outstandingly handsome students can never stay anonymous for long :P. Thus, the journal became my chronicle of unrequited love.

*pukes*

Unrequited love my foot. More like unabashed stalking. Debbie was right. Hahaha. Almost all the entries would consist of me painstakingly detailing how many times I met Guy A/B/C/D's eyes while walking to the canteen, or how I 'accidentally' bumped into Guy B after school etc etc.

I was such a sick little puppy. Aih. Don't know where to hide my face now. If I ever meet my past self, I'm going to slap her and tell her to BEHAVE. Mooning over guys that can never be mine, daydreaming about happily-ever-afters when ALL I know about them is their name and class...Urgh. I make me sick. How can I be so caught up, so starry-eyed?!

Still don't believe it's that bad?

Choice unedited excerpts coming up. Be prepared. You have been warned :P.

Gosh, I really like him. Usually my crushes never last long but this crush stayed for three year (!!!)
The first time I phoned to him was when he was sick (he has a really weak body) for three or four days. Poor guy. My hands were shaking like a leaf and my heart was beating very, very hard. I let out a breath when our conversation finished.
Danielle and Prince Henry got married and lived happily EVER AFTER!! Sometimes, I used to ponder that would I be that lucky!?
I don't want to be imagining things but I think he likes me. But he is older than me 4 years. He might like me but I don't wanna get my hopes up high. I don't even know his name!!
Friend A also told me that Friend B also like Guy C. Well, I am not afraid of competition. All is fair in war and in LUV.
He is damn handsome, man! He has long hair that is juz right, flawless face (which include of course handsome features) and fair complexion.
Okay, my wish came through. I got much more that I thought. On the way to the canteen, I saw him but I think he saw me too. He juz pretended not to, since we passed each other in the corridors. After he passed (which is very fast) I let out a sigh. Of relief or pleasure or satisfaction? I honestly don't know. Maybe all three of them together.
Gosh, that is so sweet of Guy X. And he is so flexible. He could improvise. Good. HE'S PERFECT!!!
Guess what? He saw me and I saw him. He still have the ability to make my heart jump faster and make me blush. And that was like two or three meters apart. Talk about being a lady-killer.

How utterly embarassing. Was my English EVER that horrible?! Oh no! And my spelling! I noticed I spelt disappointed as "dissapointed" a few times. I don't know which is worse - my atrocious English or my "obsession" over this particular guy who used to dominate my thoughts and journal :P

Lol. I even wanted to send a fanmail to Liverpool/Michael Owen. Ahhhh. So funny.

Dear Liverpool/Michael Owen,

I know this year has not been very well for you, but let's not lose hope. No matter how worse things get, they still could get better, if you try your best to improve.

Don't worry, us Liverpool fans out here will be behind you all the way. Keep going, don't fret.

Remember True fans will always support you all, no matter how worse you get.

Yours truly,

..............

OMYGAWD! I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Imagine! A 12-year-old girl telling LIVERPOOL AND MICHAEL OWEN not to "lose hope"! Ahhhhhh. This is killing me! The final sentence!!!!! ROTFLMAO. NO MATTER HOW WORSE YOU GET. Wahlaueh. Sounds like I'm cursing Liverpool. ahahahahahhahaha. Seriously. I can't believe this.

Ah. The priceless things you do in the first flush of teenagedom and hormones...I don't dare to say 'love' because, obviously, what I felt was not love at all.

I'm glad to say that the giggly 12-to-14-year-old in me has transformed into a not-so-giggly-but-still-quite-ditzy-19-year-old with MUCH BETTER ENGLISH, if I may say so myself *ahem ahem*. Not that it's difficult to raise above that level of English seen in my journal.

I would also like to think that I have matured a whole lot. At least my intensely private journal (started last year) does not contain any heady gushing over cute boys. And nope, none on this blog either. See, I saved you the trouble from going through my archive. :)

I'm glad that I've turned out the way I am, despite my worrisome self at the start of teenagedom. I'm surrounded by people who make me happy and I try to make them happy, too. Sometimes it's hard not to take their love for granted, because I always use the excuse that 'they should love and accept me for who I am'. But if I truly love them in return, I should want to change for the better and not cause them grief anymore. Therefore, I hereby will try to correct my 'glaring' flaws for the sake of everyone's happiness.

So speaketh the matured AhJin.

Point to ponder - would I be who I am today, if I wasn't who I was back then? :) Growing up is so interesting, don't you think?

A quick update

2005-06-21T22:30:00.000+08:00

Just sat for my English Literature Unit 6 today.

Wooh!

2 A Levels subjects down! Byebye A Level Law! Byebye Eng Lit!

Now, all that's standing between me and freedom is Economics Unit 6, next Monday 1.30 pm.

Ahhh..the whiff of freedom so close by makes my head grow dizzy. How to study like that? :)

Saw this graffiti on one of the tables in the library -

'Cause I miss you body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

Yes, I know it's from the ultra corny Daniel Beddingfield song, but please ignore the 'catchy' chorus and read the excerpt just as it is.

Once more, I'm in awe. How do those damn songwriters always manage to put into words the emotions I feel? Is my feelings so generic that it can be easily mass produced by those pop-songwriting machines? :P

Oh well. Whatever. I'm just happy that there are words to describe how I feel inside. Don't have to keep it all bottled up or go erm...ah....err...

Yes, I'm too lazy to write an all-original Foong Jin poem. I already wrote one :)

My First Time wink

2005-06-20T16:10:00.000+08:00

Thank you, Frus, for giving me a chance :P. I was feeling so left out, seeing the entire blogosphere going tag-crazy, but no one tagged me UNTIL YOUUUUU! muaxx muaxx! :P

Here we gooooo~!

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:

01 Foong Jin..duh
02 ahjin
03 Jeeeeeeeeeen :P people like to draw out the jiiiiiiiiiiin, I don't know why. tell me?

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:

01 neuroticaxis
02 sadame (it means 'destiny' in Japanese)
03 nfj

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:

01 urm. short stumpy fingers! :( I want those long, slender, elegant ones...
02 the freaking scars on my legs...stupid allergic reaction. Now it's going to take ages for them to disappear :(
03 my nose

Oh well. Things could be worse.

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:

01 short stumpy fingers from dad's side
02 bad bad temper from dad's side :P
03 good looks from both. *ahem* HAHAHAHAHHAHA :P

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:

01 yeah, gotta echo Frus. Losing my loved ones. no greater pain than this :(
02 taking risks. I hate taking risks. I'm a planner, baby.
03 EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS EXAMS. I've come to the conclusion that you can NEVER be fully prepared for exams, no matter how much you've studied.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:

01 Food!
02 my sister :) aih. howla like that?!
03 internet + bolster :)

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:

urm. I'm a universal listener, but I'll give it a shot anyways.

01 Evanescence
02 Josh Groban
03 Jarod :P

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS:

01 Life is Beautiful by Jarod
02 Erm...skip! I listen to everything. No special preference...sorry :P
03

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:

01 love
02 faithfulness
03 happiness

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:

01 looks. duh :P
02 lol. is there anything else besides looks ah? I don't think so. I like my guys to be mentally stimulating anyway. No 'himbos' for me, thanks.
03 ability to express, write, sing? Hahahah :P

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:

01 Reading...books/blogs/advertisements/cereal boxes...you name it, I read it.
02 Simply doing nothing with Jarod :)
03 sisterly bonding sessions everyday!!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:

01 TO BE FREE FROM EXAMS! ONE WEEK MORE ONLY! I WANNA FAST FORWARD!!!!!
02 change for the better because I don't wanna disappoint or push you away anymore.
03 I want to be transported to an utopia where people don't have to work or study...all day long just hang out with their loved ones. So syiok!

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:

01 Nihon! so that I can put into practice my elementary Japanese. :)
02 NZ. Laid back lifestyle, cool, clean fresh air....with your loved one....ahhh. bliss.
03 Caribbeans/Maldives/Mauritius/Langkawi...aahahhaha. gorgeous beaches. loved one. paradise.

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:

01 Jessica
02 Jennifer
03 Chris

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

01 be happily married
02 be contented with what I have in life
03 uhhh. scale Mt Everest? Ahahaha. Not bloody likely. Joking :P

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:

01 Egoistical.
02 I think that good looking girls can do no wrong.
03 Urm. I like to read FHM? :P

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:

01 I lurve short skirts!
02 Can you say 'water faucet'? The slightest thing can set me off... :(
03 I believe that changing my mind is a female's prerogative. Hehehe.

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:

Gosh. Don't have one now, but I'll tell you my ex-crushes.

01 Abs and J from 5ive...remember them?
02 Jared Leto
03 Ronan Keating.

Ahh...memories :P

....and I tag....

01 SELINA!
02 JOSH!
03 TZE TENG!

Woooh. It's been fun. Been ages since I filled out this questionnaire-type of thingie...Hehe.

How will I survive without you?

2005-06-18T12:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, I learnt that my sweet darling baby sister is selcted for National Service.

The first thought that came to my mind was, 'Ohmygod! How will I get through 3 months without her?'

Selfish? No doubt. This is my sister we're talking about here. She and I have shared the same room since we were toddlers. She knows ALL of my secrets and still loves me in spite of them. Whenever I need her, she is ALWAYS there for me, steadfast and strong, never wavering in her love for me.

Ah damn, I'm crying as I'm typing this. Sometimes I wish I can be the strong, stoic type who doesn't show or feel any emotion. People might call you heartless, but hey, they're the ones who have to deal with the pain.

Back to my sister. Life was bliss when we were in secondary school. Everyday I'll get to talk to her, any moment, any time. When, for some reason she couldn't attend school and I was forced to go alone, I feel bereft of her presence. The whole day I'll look forward to school ending so that I can get home quick to be with her.

I've come to depend so much on her, becuase I know she'll never let me down, as some have in my life. She is the bestest of bestest of bestest friend I can ever have. Everyday, at home, we'll play and giggle and joke in the privacy of our room. After a long day at college, I always look forward to private moments with her where we can both just talk.

And soon, it will no longer be like this. I'll come home just to face an empty room without her laughter, wihout her humour. How do single children face this loneliness?!?!

I wish I could do for her what she wants me to do, right now. It would make her sad, no doubt, but she believes that it's for the best, for me. But I am selfish and I can't give it up.

Ah fuck. I feel like a jerk now.

I'm sorry for all the times I've snapped at you, for all the times I've made you cry, for all the times I was impatient with you, for all the times I've never fully appreciated what you are to me, for all the lies I've told. There can be NO substitute for who you are and I wish that we could be so close, forever.

I've learnt that you will help me with no strings attached. Sure, I have two REALLY close and wonderful friends, but they are busy with their own lives too. Not to mention talking about my problems over the phone in public is not a good choice.

I know you'll drop anything and everything if I ever needed you too. :) That's how selfless you are. Compared to you, I've come up short in so many ways and I feel bad, because I feel like I'm exploiting your love for me. I'm one selfish sister and I'm ashamed. Truly I don't think I deserve such a sister like you, one who treats me as if I'm the first priority in her life.

Rereading my entry, I wonder if 'I am selfish' is just an excuse. I'm not strong enough to deal with the pain which I know will definitely ensue. Oh well. That's rumination for another entry, I guess.

I've always had fun with you whenever were together. You make me forget whatever problems I have and never fails to make me laugh. No matter how impossible it seems, you'll always listen to my problems and give good advice (which I usually don't follow :P).

If there was any true love in the world, I'd say it's your love for me. Screw those romantic notions that only male-female relationships have an exclusive right on 'true love'. Trust me, only family members are willing to do anything and everything for you. All that I've said above makes my sister seem like the perfect other half, doesn't it?

I hope that if you read this, you'll think that I represent the same things to you, that you are to me.

I love you, baby chickeetoot. I wish I could say 'I love you more than anything else in the world', but I have no right to do that, because I can't even do something for you.

Oh fuck this. I'm just whining about how incapable I am as a bloody human being and wallowing in self-pity.

The whole point of this post is - I LOVE YOU AND I HOPE YOU'LL HAVE A GOOD TIME, WHICH I'M SURE YOU WILL.

Nuggets of wisdom yum yum

2005-06-18T02:25:00.000+08:00

Yeah, I know I've been updating quite a lot today, you lucky fans you! :P Joking!

My friend, Catherine, imparted this to me:

Isn't it ironic how ppl change? When expectations get lower and lower , you feel
disappointed. Till one day you stop feeling disappointed but merely
a sigh, you only realized you have stop expecting.

What an insight.

One day, you wake up feeling fine, and you think to yourself, 'Oh yes! I'm finally beginning to get a hold on myself and stop all these constant hoping adn worrying etc.' You think that you've matured and grown wiser in your relationship. But in the end, it just turns out that it's a case of 'once bitten, twice shy'. Conditioning, I believe. You learn to avoid thinking about stuff that will bring you pain. I guess it's maturing in a way, but for the better or worse, I don't know.

Attention-grabber

2005-06-18T01:06:00.000+08:00

Today, my mom received a postcard in the mail. It looks like this:

Front

Doesn't it just pique your curiosity? Obviously, I immediately turned to the back:

I tell you, man, what a jolt through the system. You wanna get people to donate, nothing works better than to put a poignant picture of a kid who has brain tumour and to top it off, just passed away recently. Really highlights the urgency of the situation.

Therefore, do donate generously. You never know when you'll save another "adik Shafiq". May he rest in peace.

Hehe. I'm so happy.

2005-06-17T15:45:00.000+08:00

Ahh. I've finally fallen, given in to temptation...

As you can see, I've gotten myself a spanking new template...a "click-to-nav" one to boot! Hehe. I got tired of my plain old boring template and went for a total overhaul!

Configuring the HTML etc was not easy...and it's not really completed yet..still have some sau mei to take care of.

I know Josh will definitiely hate this skin, because it's so freaking small. Sorry :( But it won't be long till I tire of this template and hop, skip and jump to another one.

Leave me comments to tell me what you think of the template, okay? Thanks :).

Moving on.

One of my aunties living in HK will be flying back to Msia tonight! Weee~! I love it when my overseas relatives visit! It means ~~presents~~ time of togetherness surrounded by satay and dried barbecued meat! Serious! My parents only allow us to eat satay and dried barbecued meat when overseas relatives visit... :( cos those can't be found in HK/NZ or is too expensive or is too ungenuine etc.

In July, another auntie of mine who is residing in NZ will be back to visit with her whole brood! Wooh! The last time I saw my eurasian male cousins was about 4-5 years back :P According to my aunt who came back solo a few months back (to check on my grandma), the eldest son, Sean, has turned into quite a looker and constantly has girls ringing him up...Hehehe. Too bad he's my cousin eh? :P

Finally, August brings another visit from another aunt from HK. This particular auntie visits Malaysia every year with her family! I like all of them very much. Polite and fun-loving kiddie cousins I have. Not to mention, July and August is my ho-ho-holidays so I'm gonna have LOTSA FUN! Yay!

Hmm. Maybe I should rethink my idea of working during my hols.

Ws supposed to be studying econs, but got sidetracked by the whole template thing. Then I'm going out later somemore. Oh well. Another unproductive day down the drain. What's new in my life huh?

Love.

2005-06-15T21:09:00.000+08:00

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

- Neil Gaiman.

How astute.

Weee. A little break before the heavy duty (erm, I hope) studying resumes again.

2005-06-15T19:08:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! 5 down, 2 to go before I say byebye to A Levels! Just sat for my fifth paper, English Literature Unit 5 today and the next paper is 6 days away! So I've decided to write an extremely long blog to celebrate the occasion. Oh, it's my brother's birthday today, too. Happy Birthday koko!

Remember I said I wanted to blog about love and Star Wars? Well, here's the long-awaited (haha!) post! Key word is LONG.

I think everyone would have watched Star Wars already, right? So there's no problem with me talking about it.

Frankly the movie pisses me off. How stupid can it be? The premise of the ENTIRE movie (and the saga for that matter) is based on LOVE, CINTA, AI, KASIH, AMORE...whatever language it's in. See, IF "Ani" (What a super-feminine name! How the hell did Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen keep their faces straight I don't know.) didn't fear losing the LOVE of his life, Padme, then he wouldn't have turned to the "DARK" side. And if Padme just told Obi-Wan where Anakin was instead of shielding him out of LOVE, then the stupid guy wouldn't have strangled Padme, fought with Obi-Wan, got his arms and legs chopped off. Aih. How can George Lucas expect us to swallow the fact that EVERY action in the movie is motivated by love? In my opinion, it cheapens the saga into some dumb love story tearjerker-wannabe. Not that I ever watched Episode 4-6. It's just that I expected SOMETHING MORE CONCRETE from a saga of such calibre (or so I've heard :P)

Star Wars rant over, but still on the love issue.

For part of my Eng Lit course, I have to study a collection of poem entitled The Whitsun Weddings by this poet named Philip Larkin. He's a really good poet who constantly surprises me with his extraordinary take on mundane stuff such as advertising (e.g Essential Beauty - one of my all time fave in the collection), humdrum work (e.g Toads and Toads Revisited), even Death (Nothing to Be Said, Ambulances). There's a lot more interesting stuff he talks about, but I'm too lazy to go into detail here. Trust me, you won't regret reading him, even though his ideas can be a bit pessimistic at times.

Anyway, like all poets, he also writes a great deal on the thing called love. For your reading convenience, I'm going to copy and paste all THREE poems here. :) Told you it's going to be long!

Faith Healing by Philip Larkin

Slowly the women file to where he stands
Upright in rimless glasses, silver hair,
Dark suit, white collar. Stewards tirelessly
Persuade them onwards to his voice and hands,
Within whose warm spring rain of loving care
Each dwells some twenty seconds. Now, dear child,
What's wrong, the deep American voice demands,
And, scarcely pausing, goes into a prayer
Directing God about this eye, that knee.
Their heads are clasped abruptly; then, exiled

Like losing thoughts, they go in silence; some
Sheepishly stray, not back into their lives
Just yet; but some stay stiff, twitching and loud
With deep hoarse tears, as if a kind of dumb
And idiot child within them still survives
To re-awake at kindness, thinking a voice
At last calls them alone, that hands have come
To lift and lighten; and such joy arrives
Their thick tongues blort, their eyes squeeze grief, a crowd
Of huge unheard answers jam and rejoice -

What's wrong! Moustached in flowered frocks they shake:
By now, all's wrong. In everyone there sleeps
A sense of life lived according to love.
To some it means the difference they could make
By loving others, but across most it sweeps
As all they might have done had they been loved.
That nothing cures. An immense slackening ache,
As when, thawing, the rigid landscape weeps,
Spreads slowly through them - that, and the voice above
Saying Dear child, and all time has disproved.

Love Songs in Age by Philip Larkin

She kept her songs, they kept so little space,
The covers pleased her:
One bleached from lying in a sunny place,
One marked in circles by a vase of water,
One mended, when a tidy fit had seized her,
And coloured, by her daughter -
So they had waited, till, in widowhood
She found them, looking for something else, and stood

Relearning how each frank submissive chord
Had ushered in
Word after sprawling hyphenated word,
And the unfailing sense of being young
Spread out like a spring-woken tree, wherein
That hidden freshness sung,
That certainty of time laid up in store
As when she played them first. But, even more,

The glare of that much-mentioned brilliance, love,
Broke out, to show
Its bright incipience sailing above,
Still promising to solve, and satisfy,
And set unchangeably in order. So
To pile them back, to cry,
Was hard, without lamely admitting how
It had not done so then, and could not now.

An Arundel Tomb by Philip Larkin

Side by side, their faces blurred,
The earl and countess lie in stone,
Their proper habits vaguely shown
As jointed armour, stiffened pleat,
And that faint hint of the absurd -
The little dogs under their feet.
Such plainness of the pre-baroque
Hardly involves the eye, until
It meets his left-hand gauntlet, still
Clasped empty in the other; and
One sees, with a sharp tender shock,
His hand withdrawn, holding her hand.
They would not think to lie so long.
Such faithfulness in effigy
Was just a detail friends would see:
A sculptor's sweet commissioned grace
Thrown off in helping to prolong
The Latin names around the base.
They would not guess how early in
Their supine stationary voyage
The air would change to soundless damage,
Turn the old tenantry away;
How soon succeeding eyes begin
To look, not read. Rigidly, they
Persisted, linked, through lengths and breadths
Of time. Snow fell, undated. Light
Each summer thronged the glass. A bright
Litter of birdcalls strewed the same
Bone-riddled ground. And up the paths
The endless altered people came,
Washing at their identity.
Now, helpless in the hollow of
An unarmorial age, a trough
Of smoke in slow suspended skeins
Above their scrap of history,
Only an attitude remains:
Time has transfigured them into
Untruth. The stone fidelity
They hardly meant has come to be
Their final blazon, and to prove
Our almost-instinct almost true:
What will survive of us is love.

There are more poems of his that deals with love, but I feel that these three is the ones most relevant to my point of view. I've bold and italicised the crux of each poem.

Isn't it interesting what Larkin is saying?

In all three poems, Larkin is pointing out that this idea, this thing called love, is an indoctrination of society's views upon us. All along, we have been brought up to believe that our lives should be like this - study > work + fall in love + marry + have chidren > happily ever after > die. God forbid anyone who dare to defies the rules laid down...haven't you heard enough horror stories about how this spinster aunt or bachelor uncle is teased or hounded by relatives to settle down, get married, have children? Besides societal and family pressure, fiction and media like Hollywood has also done it's fair share of "conning" young innocent naive idealistic youths into thinking that LOVE is so perfect and wonderful.

I'm one such victim. *grimace* I've read like hundreds of Mills&Boon romance books and one of my favourite authors is Judith McNaught who writes lovely classy romance. I've always thought (okayla, daydreamed) that I'll eventually meet someone who is so perfect and in sync with me. There will be no trouble in our relationship and everything will be smooth-sailing. *snorts* YEAH RIGHT. The wool has been pulled painfully away from my eyes. The love you see in movies where the couple seems to be so romantic forever? LIES. I was reading The Star and saw this article about how researches have identified 9 types of love. One of them was 'demythologised love" where the couples recognise that hard work, patience and perseverance is needed in order to make the relationship work. I'm quite surprised that there are the other 8 types, frankly...because isn't what we expect of love shaped from what the media constantly bombards us with? Think back to your first serious relationship. Isn't what you expect and what you got super-different?

Anyway, yeah. Think about it carefully. All along, we believe that love can conquer all (think of all the romantic mushy love songs) and that once we have love, our lives will be complete. We believe that love is the be-all and end-all. ALMOST EVERYONE searches for love in their daily lives, whether consciously or subconsciously. If you're single, then you'll constantly be on the lookout for "THE ONE" for you. If you're in a relationship, then you'll constantly think of ways to spend more time wth yout other half. No one is exempt from these "innate assumptions" a.k.a. indoctrinations. Who told us that love can solve everything? Who said that our only purpose in life is to fall in love and have our own family?

The concept of love - that there is someone who is ours, who cares for us, who is supposed to cherish us, shower us with affection - is no doubt highly tempting. But see beyond that and look at the "concept" itself. Why should we be programmed to "find THE ONE"? God knows how many self-help books and talk shows have revolved around this perennial topic. Are we put on Earth just to fall in love, AND THEN to find out that love isn't all that it's cracked up to be? We are so used to the idea of "love" because it's everywhere. Some even believe that love is worth dying for. Why? Is what we truly feel "love"? Or are we projecting our own hopes and fears (of being alone, presumably) onto a blank concept called "love"? After all, who hasn't been envious of a seemingly loving couple, right? In the end, we are all out to find "true" love.

To quote from another of Larkin's poems Dockery and Son, "Where do these innate assumptions come from? Not from what we think truest, or most want to do...They're more a style our lives bring with them: habit for a while, suddenly they harden into all we've got..."

Suddenly, as we grow older, we cling on to what we've been told time after time, because if that's what everyone believes, that it should be true, right? Just like the ladies in "Faith Healing".

As romantic the idea of love is, what we have come to perceive it as is mere fantasy. That is what Larkin is saying. And I gotta agree. The love I'm experiencing now is so vastly different from what I've always thought it'll be. And yes, everyone also thinks that "No, my relationship will be like the movies. We'll be so happy forever etc...". So yeah, baby, your relationship ain't that special after all.

Think about it.

Isn't it strange how emotions can change your outlook?

2005-06-08T16:15:00.000+08:00

I didn't intend to blog today, because once again, I didn't feel any insipration.

So, I decided to go blog-surfing and ended up at this particular blog owned by a Malaysian. He openly admits that he has done various types of drugs (don't know if he has stopped using them now though) and there's a section in his blog which contains his reviews of various brands of cigarettes.

I used to live by the principle of "live and let live". After all, if they want to burn their money (literally) by smoking, get lung cancer and die a painful and early death, then it's up to them. Obviously, smokers KNOW the risks of smoking and yet go ahead anyway. Why should I get all worked up emotionally over their actions when they themselves don't bother, right? Better save my breath for something more worthwhile.

That is, UNTIL I got into a relationship with a smoker.

Maybe it's poetic justice that I never really cared about what others do in their lives...you know, being extremely selfish and self centred.

So now, everytime he inhales, the tip of the cigarette will glow and to me, it seems like an unholy glow. The eyes of a devil mocking me. Then the ash will form and the ciggie will grow shorter. It seems to me that it's equivalent to HIS life being shortened. There are times when I have to forcibly look away from him smoking. I think they call this "horrid fascination".

It scares me.

I want him to quit (after all, which good girlfriend of a smoker won't? :P) because of several reasons -

Health being the primary one, of course. Everybody knows that smoking leads to a higher chance of contracting lung cancer and a whole multitude of ailments along with it. I just don't see why someone would VOLUNTARILY risk their lives like that. Alreadyla our lives are fraught with dangers...ranging from the processed food we greedily consume to the pollution in the air...still need to go do that to yourselves?
Youthquake (of the New Straits Times) once interviewed some teens about the charateristics that their "ideal" partners should have. One girl said that she wouldn't want to date a smoker because she doesn't want him to die earlier than her. Reading that, I could understand the reasoning behind it. What can be more painful than losing a loved one? To see them suffering in so much agony but are unable to do anything about it? Furthermore, I HATE pain, be it physical, mental or emotional. Seems like I'm a masochist la. How ironic.

A pack of 20 cigarettes is so expensive. :( Rm 6.50. Somemore I just read in The Star last week that the government are planning to increase "sin taxes". The new after-tax price of cigarettes will cost close to RM10 or more, if I'm not mistaken. Hopefully, this will be the "push" smokers need to quit. But then again, seeing as ciggies are "habit forming goods" with a highly inelastic demand (wahahah, feel like drawing the Econs graph out :P but so lazy la), the hike in price will increase govt revenue, but result in only a slight fall in quantity demanded. Not to mention, since it's an addiction, crime rates are likely to soar as more people rob/steal/beg/kill just to get the money. A better use for the money would be to spend on me, right? Or his precious fishes. Whichever. AS LONG AS IT'S NOT FAGS.

Aih. Sai hou sui. Literally, waste my saliva. He already said that no one can force him to do something that he doesn't want to. *mutters* dunno whether it's just a convenient excuse or he truly believes in it...So, what to do right? Package deal lorh, as Sinthi puts it. Just like I'm a package deal with my psychotic mood swings, over-worrying etc etc.

He did say he'll quit when (or if :P) we get married . Let's just wait it out then. In the meantime, smoking is BAD. I'm sure you don't want to cause your mom/sister/uncle/brother/father/dog/cat/goldfish/ hamster/friends/etcetc to worry about you, right? FEEL THE GUILT?

But somehow ah, I feel this is a losing battle.

To see the degeneration of lung health since the beginning of time, click here. It's a really fascinating "brief history of cigarettes, tobacco and smoking".

Bloody ciggies companies. It's all money to them, not people with emotions and lives, isn't it?

Wonder how they sleep at night, knowing that they sent gazillions on a fast-track to lung cancer.

p/s - Same goes for the advert companies too. All they think about is money.

1924:- Philip Morris re-introduces Marlboro with the slogan "Mild as May," targeting "decent, respectable" women. "Has smoking any more to do with a woman's morals than has the color of her hair?" the advertisement reads. "Marlboros now ride in so many limousines, attend so many bridge parties, and repose in so many handbags."

So cunning.

And don't even think of retorting with the "ciggies help me deal with stress" line. I've seen SO MANY people who are stressed out, yet don't feel the need to have a smoke. In the first place, HOW the hell would you know that ciggies are *cough* good *cough* for stress? If you haven't smoked before, then obviously you're not missing out right? So just deal with stress the way you normally didla. No matter how many cartons you smoke a day, the problem will still be there, okay? Don't have to aggravate it. Escapism. Cheh.

Oh and isn't it strange how cigarettes is spelled with ONE "g" but ciggies is spelt with two?

Okay. So I lied about going to bed. But I really was tired.

2005-06-05T23:45:00.000+08:00

Thinking about alliterating titles takes up too much time :P.

Ah I'm crushed! My world has fallen apart in front of my very eyes! How can this be true?

Your English Skills:

Grammar: 80%

Punctuation: 80%

Spelling: 80%

Vocabulary: 60%

Does Your English Cut the Mustard?

Vocabulary - 60%!!!! Ahhhh. I'm aghast! Flabbergasted! Taken aback! My jaw drops in horror!

Somemore my grammar scored higher than my vocab! What irony! I still don't know how to differentiate past perfect tense with present perfect and what are particles?!?!

Aih. How truly heartbreaking. It's a tragedy! It's a travesty, even!

I'm off to sob myself to sleep. The world as I know it is so alien and unfamilar now. I feel so alone.

Desirous Discharge

2005-06-05T22:40:00.000+08:00

Woo. 22 days more to the OFFICIAL end of A Levels! Then it's two months of bliss*!!!

Ah. My long-awaited holidays. Come to mama! May these torturous 22 days pass in a blink of an eye!

bliss* - hopefully I'll be working, but at least it doesn't entail fretting over Economics, Law or English Literature! Hooo!

Hahaha. I knew it. Must be a MALE who forced this upon all womankind :(.

Tata. Off to curl up in a foetal position moaning about my aching back. Where's my personal masseuse?

See, I feel like her, except my pain is concentrated at my lower back.

But this is cool, right?

:P Seems like she used blood to draw the henna designs. I have never seen such an intricate henna design before. I've always wanted to hennafy my hands. Shall do it after exams!

Byeeeeeeeeee.

Hahahahaha! Just noticed my title. :) Ironic, but strangely fitting in a way. Okay. The end.

Suffering in Silence?

2005-06-04T03:47:00.000+08:00

Once again, my good friend Josh has found an extremely interesting website -

Postsecret

It's run by an organisation where they'll post up pictures of postcards containing your secrets. Seriously, it's such an original concept and like Josh said, it helps the sufferers in the sense that they are not alone in the world. There IS someone out there who cares.

But I wonder about the effectiveness of it all. Will posting your darkest, deepest secret anonymously to some organisation alleviate the suffering it brings? No doubt, I agree that when you're troubled, the best thing is always to talk it out with someone trustworthy. It will help lessen the weight of the problem and also give you a fresh new perspective on it. (By the way, I don't know what pronoun to use when talking about hypothetical situations. Do I use "you" or "one"?) Hmm. I guess posting your secret online would be the second best way if you can't really talk about it in real life. At least it's out in the open and it would feel like you've just released a huge burden.

Aha! Ive thought of a good way to discuss your secret. Let's say you posted this.

And you don't dare to tell your friends for fear of their disgust and revulsion. So one day, you'll "accidentally" stumble upon Postsecret (link above. Damn lazy to create hyperlink. Haha) and point your friends to this particular secret. Then you'll innocently go, "Hmm, I wonder why the fella think it's such a huge secret? I mean, it's not that big a deal, right?" and from that you can gauge your friends' reaction. So if they all have a good laugh about it, then you can own up and all will be water under the bridge.

See? :)

The postcards created are also very creative and eyecatching..feels some they're something out of a magazine.

Edit - Ish. Ahjin, next time learn to read the fine print. I've deleted the rest of the entry because, according to the legal notice on Postsecret, "No image from this site may be used for any purpose without expressed written authorization. If you are a blogger, you may post one image as a link." Since I'm suffering from backache, I have just simply decided to erase the rest than to reword my entire entry. Go to the website! It's updated, by the way :).

Elusive Eloquence

2005-05-30T00:45:00.000+08:00

I really want to blog, but I have writer's block, which is a highly infrequent occasion, especially when it's a free topic. Hell, I had to use to thesaurus to get the word "infrequent" by entering "not often". This sucks. My vocab is going to the dogs.

Well, I'm going off to Penang later today to attend a wedding and will only be back on Wednesday, for those of you who can't live without me :P. If you don't see me online, please don't panic. :P

Well, had a great time with my sister today. Laughed until I forgot the pain in my legs. I think we need to have more sisterly outings.

My mind is a blank. Okayla. Don't wanna talk nonsence just for the sake of blogging. I wish I can crap logically :P

I wish I have unlimited amount of money, or as Gwen Stefani puts it, "all the money in the world". Shopping is no fun when you are financially tight :(.

Bye! Don't miss me too much!

Narcisisstic Nature

2005-05-27T03:06:00.000+08:00

Boy, I must really like re-reading my own words over and over again.

It's just so satisfying to see them "there", you know.

Yes, I need a life.

Sleepless Sentences

2005-05-27T03:01:00.000+08:00

I like alliterating titles. :P I shall alliterate all my titles from now onwards! (Until I get tired of it)

So after, writing that meandering post below, it's any wonder that I can still string a sentence coherently. I REALLY feel sleepy, but I don't want to sleep, hence the bombardment of morning mumblings :)

What shall I torment your eyes with? :P Ahaha! A questionnaire. Haven't done those for a long time. In fact, I'm quite inspired to do a blog-athon now. See how I feel at the end of this entry-la.

Ad Hoc Questionnaire:

Current position - Leaning on my elbows, splayed out on my bed. I was sitting cross-legged just now, but my back started complaining. The advantage of having a laptop :)

Current mood - Hmm. This requires some in-depth analysing. Eyes are tired and I can feel the mildest onset of a headache already. I guess the short answer would be: Sleepy.

Current craving - Ramly burger. Since chatting with Kit Ming at 11 something pm. I also want to hear his (not Kit Ming) voice.

Current thought (THIS MOMENT! NOW!) - Thinking about why my entries are so boring. Shouldn't they exude happiness and joy that my Law papers are finally over? Come to think about it, why didn't I talk about the papers I sat for over the past few days?

Current desire - To sleep. Why am I such a bloody idiot?

Current need-to-buy item - Toner. I swear, this is the first time any toner of mine actually comes thisclose to finishing. I need a replacement urgently.

Current dream - To have enough money to buy whatever I fancy whilst shopping at Bukit Bintang. At all the shopping complexes there.

Current (niggling) worry - That I won't wake up early enough to revise my Japanese and do my Jap homework tomorrow, or rather, later.

Current neglect - my nails, hand and feet. Fingernails are too long, and I suspect they will scratch my eyeballs when I insert/remove my contacts. My toenail polish is chipped and looks worn out. Need to remove and trim them. Ish. Really don't think I'd have time to revise...

Current movie to watch - Memento. God knows how long I've waited to watch this show. Finally. Can watch it. Thanks to Nicholas for lending me the DVD.

Current song - Anything by Bo Bice. I haven't heard him sing AT ALL, which is not surprising considering I only watched one measly episode of American Idol 4. My sister says he's really good and Simon Cowell's comment ("You have just put 34 musicians out of their jobs" when Bo sang a capella) is so intriguing. Everytime I appear at the TV area these two days (Grand finale ma), it's always Carrie singing. Bo and I no fate-la I think.

Current hobby to be continued again - watching animes! I actually felt a physical need to get some quality anime and just get stoned. Haha. I think I should also resume reading :P WHEN I get good books.

Current regret - Many. But the foremost is "Why did I start this entry in the first place?!"

Melancholic Musings

2005-05-27T02:33:00.000+08:00

Yeah, supposed to be asleep like, 2 hours ago. Oh well. What's the point of relishing the freedom that comes with NOT having to cram if you can't force yourself to stay awake doing nonsensical stuff?

New layout. I like it. Simple. Lets you focus on the masterpiece that is my writings. :P

Are you the type who will talk about anything and everything on your blog? Basically, what's going on in your life, who you hate, what's your fears and worries etc. As in LAY YOURSELF BARE for the anonymous public to see. Can you do that? One good example of such a blogger is Xiaxue (her archives are really revealing).

I want to be able to write about not only my thoughts, but also my personal life online. But I CANNOT do it. I lack the strength, security and confidence that comes along with opening yourself up. But if you don't try, then how will you ever gain the strength needed to build a better you? But but! What's the point of doing something which you feel, essentially, is not who you really are?
__________

Digression. All these conflicting advices or, shall we call them, cliches. There is one for every occasion, and don't you realise, one for every side of the coin as well. Case in point:

Absence makes the heart grow fonder vs. Out of sight, out of mind.

I'm sure there are others you can think of. I'm too brain dead to think at the moment. Anyway, about the cliche above, is there any grain of truth in it? I admit, when I thought of it, I was thinking of my relationship, but then I realised that it can be used to describe platonic relationships as well, e.g. amongst friends.

My friend just came back from the US recently, and we were chatting on MSN just now. We used to be good, dare I say it, close, friends even, before she left. We used to see eye to eye on many issues and always have fun when we talk. However, the distance between us seems almost tangible as we were chatting today. Is it inevitable then, as distance come between two people, nothing can save the relationship from gradual deterioration anymore? Does this mean, sooner or later, all relationships are doomed?

__________

Back to my inability to pour out my every thought online. For instance, I would love to moan to the insecurities I feel, rant and bitch about people I hate etc. But in doing so, I could end up injuring more ties (gotta appreciate what I have now, since it's meant for failure anyway, right?) between people whom I care about. And even if I were to bitch about people I dislike, I worry that the blog would be read by them and give them a bad impression of me. Fucking contradictory, isn't it? Why should I care? I hate my superficiality.

Would I remain who I am, if I were to meticulously blog down what I truly want to say, despite me feeling uneasy about it? The irony might lie in the fact that by forcing myself to do what is not usually "me", I could be completely "me" online.

For example. I would like to talk about the (see, my mind can already think of several examples to illustrate my point, but I cannot bring myself to write it down. Urgh!) fears and insecurities I feel about being in a relationship, especially since it's my first serious one and I am unsure of what to do. (Well, that wasn't what I really wanted to write. Compromise-la. Oh well.) I guess I feel that dirty linens shouldn't be washed in public. And if you have gorgeous silk linens and you display it loudly and proudly, it won't be long till someone snatches it off the clothesline. Very conventional Asian, this one. Private matters should be kept private. Never let your smile crack. Don't falter even if your shoes are hurting you. Uphold the image you present to the world.

Furthermore, I honestly don't think I'm the type who broadcasts every zit that appears on my face, although, I know, what I want to talk about have slightly more weight than that. Sinthi and my sister might beg to differ though :P.

So, where does this increasingly incoherent post lead to? In conclusion, I would like to try to talk about matters regarding my personal life more, but I cannot promise. I guess I can only reveal what I truly feel comfortable revealing.

Thanks for taking the time to finish this self-absorbed post. But then, if I can't talk about me on MY blog, then where can I talk about me then? Haha. Just be prepared for more self-centred posts from now onwards. Maybe. :P

Do you notice a trend?

2005-05-23T19:34:00.000+08:00

Isn't it strange that the nearer the exams are, the more frequently I update my blog? It points to a worrying trend. If I am prepared, then it wouldn't mater so much...aih. Let's not go to the heart-ache inducing topic again...

Anyway, TOMORROW IS THE STARTING OF DOOMSDAY. 6.30 pm May 24th to be exact. AHHHHHH *runs around screaming like Tarzan*

I don't want!!!!

:(

Exams suck.

URGENT!

2005-05-22T22:51:00.000+08:00

Hehe. Not reallyla :P

I just realised that Microsoft internet Explorer screws up my template ><. The tagboard magically appears at the bottom of the page :( I'm very sad BECAUSE OF THE AMOUNT OF EFFORT I TOOK TO CUSTOMISE THE DAMN SIDEBAR. THEN IE COMES ALONG AND NICELY MAKES A MESS OUT OF IT. Actually, I don't know if it's a coding error or IEla...can someone please help? Those who have IE and Mozilla Firefox, please tell me if there's a difference in the position of the tagboard. Thanks.

Being such a nitpicking perfectionist (or maybe just nitpicking :P) I cannot stand the thought of millions of IE users who might accidentally stumble on my wonderful blog just to find that the layout is scrwed up. Urgh *shivers* The thought of it is giving me nightmares. Wahahah :P Joking. About the millions of IE users, I mean.

For the rest of you who are using IE, just in case I can't rectify the error, I would suggest you to download Mozilla Firefox. Personally, I prefer this because it doesn't hang, has a pop-up blocker etc etc. Not to mention the logo is cooler too :P

Okay. That's all for now. Aih, and I was so inspired to write about that thing called LOVE. Another day! I pwomise! :D

*resumes hitting the books, literally*

UPDATE -

Yes, thanks to Irwin aka Kon, I have finally solved the mystery of the misplaced tagboard. Turns out the taggie was too wide, so it was jutting out and my poor posts had to give way for the fat tagboard. Woohoo! It's solved! IE users can continue using IE and my blog will still look perfect! Kon is teh l337! :P thanks so much!

Aiyerh, why I so "mmm sang seng"?!?!

2005-05-21T22:00:00.000+08:00

mmm sang seng means, urm, dunno how to grow up and be more mature, wise etc etc. Don't know of a literal English translation for it.

Every single exam it would end up like this:

I would moan and cry and berate myself for being so lackadaisical when I actually have the time to study. Then, with keazaman, I would promise myself that this is the last time I would leave things to the eleventh hour. But when the exam is over, I would immediately thrown myself into celebrating and conveniently forget all the good intentions I had.

But, you argue, exams over what. Of course you deserve a break.

Agreed. However, reasonably speaking, breaktime would be over when the new term starts, right? But noooo. Smart Foong Jin will tell herself "aiyah, beginning of the term onlymah...why so stress? Relax a bit first. Somemore so early in the semester where got things to revise?"

And so the evil cycle will perpetuate itself. EVERY SINGLE EXAM. I'm so tired of this.

Why the hell can't I ever learn from my mistakes and better myself? It's not a fooling matter anymore. A Levels a bit too late to helpla, but university is a different environment altogether. And from what a senior told me about the Law Programme in HELP, seriously, if you don't do consistent work, then your results won't be pretty.

Knowing myself, ie lazy and lacking willpower, I bet in one year's time, it'd be a deja vu post again. Sometimes I wonder if I'm merely creating excuses for myself. Like claiming that I'm lazy and have no willpower. I'm sure if I put my mind to it, I can definitely dedicate a few hours of my life daily to studying. Maybe it's because I have never had to work hard for anything and I have taken things for granted. Or maybe it's because I'm a masochist who takes perverse pleasure in screwing my life up. Always testing how far my luck can stretch. Isn't that a wonderful way to live life, people? Constantly worrying that luck will run out this time. Why can't I just spare myself the extra wrinkles and MAKE SURE that I don't leave anything up to luck?

I disgust myself.

Strangulation.

2005-05-21T17:02:00.000+08:00

Wah. I'm so tired now. My law schedule is all screwed up already. Somemore study also cannot remember any significant cases. Argh! Feel like I'm wasting my time.

WHAT AM I DOING HERE!!!

Sigh. Next Friday faster come la!

What a wonderful day.

2005-05-17T13:06:00.000+08:00

Good afternoon. I woke up this morning and felt like writing :P So here I am, giving in to temptation despite knowing that I have 4 chapters (or more) of English Legal System to finish by today.

Yeah. So what should I write about? :P *warning - the rest of this entry is going to be highly random*

BOY:I saw her today
GIRL: I saw him today

BOY: It seems like its been forever
GIRL: I wonder if he still cares

BOY: She looks better than before
GIRL: I couldn't stop staring at him

BOY: I asked her how things were going
GIRL: I asked about his new girlfriend

BOY: I'd choose her over any girl im with
GIRL: He's probablly really happy right now

BOY: I couldnt look at her without starting to cry
GIRL: He couldnt even look at me

BOY: I told her I miss her
GIRL: He doesnt mean it

BOY: I meant it
GIRL: He didnt mean it

BOY: I love her
GIRL: He loves his new girlfriend

BOY: I held her for the last time
GIRL: He gave me a friendly hug

BOY: Then I went home and cried
GIRL: Then I went home and cried

BOY: I lost her
GIRL: I still love him

Yeah. The extract above is taken from the hallowed halls of bulletins in Friendster. I bet you would have read it at least once.

The first time I read it, it honestly did tug at my heartstrings. I think it's an absolutely sucky feeling to have lost the one you love. But as I read it again and again (Eh, I didn't know the bulletins were all about this. I got conned by the different titles, okay?), then I started thinking. No doubt, what it is describing it something sad indeed, when two people who truly loves the other cannot be together. But then, who do they have to blame? THEMSELVES! That's right.

First, if either one still have feelings for another, I think he/she should try to talk things through with the other party before agreeing to break-up. In a relationship, cannot have ego contest all, okay? At least you can clear things up and not leave any unresolve issues that could torture you with a gazillion "What if"s. Communication is the key to a healthy and happy relationship, okay?

Secondly, if the guy is still so "in love" with the girl, WHAT THE HECK IS HE DOING WITH ANOTHER GIRLFRIEND? Doesn't make sense at all right? In the end, he'll hurt himself for being so hasty (the "What if" coming into play again); he'll hurt the new girlfriend because, obviously, he doesn't truly love her and he'll also hurt the ex-gf because she might think that she is just "another" girl in his long line of conquest. What an ultimately stupid move.

Conclusion - the guy is a jerk for finding a new gf so quickly, the girl is a wuss for not telling him how she feels, the guy is also a cowardy-custard for the exact same reason. At the point of break-up, if you don't come clean with everything you feel, then be prepared to be haunted with "What if"s for the rest of your life. It's do or die, baby. At least, if he/she spurns you, you'll know that you never have to see him/her for the rest of your life. Don't worry if you both have mutual friends. I haven't seen anyone laugh at another person for being deeply in love. We all understand, really.

Of course, if the couple in question broke up because of reasons like religion, parents etc etc, then cannot help it la, sorry. Try again in the next life. :P Nah...so mean.

*Disclaimer - I'm just saying that's how I would deal if something like that happened to me. I hope it never will :| such a scary thought. Bu yaaaaoooo!!*
_________________________________________

Hmm, moving on...Let's see. What shall I expend my extensive vocabulary on next? Hahahahah :P

I would very much like to talk about my relationship and how things are going, but I don't dare :( Hahaha.

Why? Why? :P

Well, haven't your momma told you not to broadcast your glad tidings too loud, for fear that someone up there might hear and take it away. I read somewhere that the Gods we have are jealous Gods. They don't like seeing us too happy. Hehe. I have previous experience of this "phenomenon", shall we call it? My skin used to be really blotchy, so obviously, every morning would be spent at the mirror scrutinising my skin. If there was any improvement, I'd think, "Not bad. Your skin is improving. It's looking better today." THE NEXT DAY, I'D GET A PIMPLE. No joke. It didn't just happen once or twice. :P Coincidence?

Of course, Gods aren't the only jealous beings. There are other two-legged green-eyed monster wandering around also. Ever heard of Schadenfreude? The Hindus believe in the power of the mind. If someone is jealous of your happiness/achievements/promotions etc, obviously they would have bad thoughts about you and wishes you ill. All these negative energy will manifest into something tangible and the next thing you know, you'll fall down the stairs or something.

Sigh. Don't you think it's a sad, sad day when people can't honestly express their emotions due to fear of retribution? What is the world coming to?! Oh well. Am I the only one with this mentality? Sorryla, kiasi a bit. Better be safe than sorry, right :P Thank goodness for close friends and families who understand and am truly glad, from the bottom of their hearts.
_________________________________

Nexttttt...urm.

I was just reading the Star and came across this very interesting piece of news. I can't find the exact same article from dpa, but here's a link to PIANO MAN PIANO BAN.

What an intriguing mystery. Sounds like something out of a novel, doesn't it? Reading the article, my imagination went off on a flight of its own. Lol. The image of a desolate, drenched man who turns out to be a musical genius appeals to the romantic in me. What a premise for a romance novel, seriously. This tall, brooding man who exudes an air of mystery (literally!) and somehow has a past which causes him to shy away from people...*swoons*

:P

Oh well. I hope his identity will be discovered and he'll recover his sense of speech. :) Good luck, Mr. Romantic Piano Man!
_________________________

Ah okayla. Very tired to think of stuff to write liao. If you notice, each section got shorter and shorter :P Have to study! Good luck to me and everyone taking exams! Bye bye! Will come back in a few days' time! Don't miss me!

May 18th

2005-05-16T15:27:00.000+08:00

After all that hassling Rohan about watching Star Wars Episode III when the exams are just around the corner, I also got tickets for the midnight show on May 18th at TGV Mines.

*hangs head in shame*

Hehehe. Oh well. Although I'm not a Star Wars fan at all, I can't help but feel the excitement as well. Especially since Geroge Lucas said that all the women viewers and some men who have watched a preview of the show cried :P This claim is also corroborated by Rohan's brother who called all the way from UK to tell Rohan that it's the best Star Wars film out of the six and that it can make the audience laugh, cry and genreally feel everything. How intriguing, I must say.

I guess time will tell....

The long-awaited day eh, people?

2005-05-12T22:48:00.000+08:00

N0o0o0o. Not talking about the day the Star Wars Episode III tickets go on sale, Rohan :P, but referring to....

THE LAST DAY OF A LEVELS (technically-la, since exams haven't even started yet)

Friday the 13th. Wah. Very ominous indeed. But hey, there's no better way than going out with a bang, right?

Ah, it's been a whirlwind 1 and 1/2 years. Looking back, I can honestly say that I don't regret coming to HELP UC for my A Levels, despite lotsa people (i.e. sheeps) preferring another more, erm, well-known (but not necessarily better) college. :P

A summary of my college life:

Made plenty of good friends whom I hope to keep for life, namely, Catherine, Shara, Shelby, Sheryl, Rohan, Sharil, and of course Alia. If it wasn't for HELP, I would never have known what a wonderful person Alia can be, at times. Hahaha. You guys, commonly known as the law gang, have filled my college days with joy, laughter and wonderful memories. For that, I thank you all.

Found two angels that are the bestest support system anyone can ever hope for - Sinthi and Selina. *smiles* We have been through so much together and the experiences shared will always be a strong bond between us. I want to apologize if I have not been such a good friend to you both as you both have been to me. I used to think that friendships can be easily made and forgotten, but knowing you both have changed my outlook of friendship entirely. Now I know that some friendships are meant to last forever and I hope ours can go the distance. Hahaha. (edit: I wrote somemorela, but sounds damn mushy, so I decided to stop here.)

Learning a whole new range of subjects. Having done pure science in Form 4 and 5, switching to pure Arts in A Levels is quite a huge jump, but I have never ever thought of doing science in A Levels (two years of torture enoughla. Even I'm not such a hardcore masochist.) Doing Economics, Eng Lit and Law is indeed an eye opener. The attitudes of students and lecturers in the Arts are so different compared to the Science, from what I can gauge. Not only that, the way the classes are conducted are worlds apart also. Eng Lit classes are always filled with lively debates that seek to challenge our minds. Learning about Law (albeit UK's) gave me a better idea of how the legal system works. Economics, economics. :P It's nice to gain a deeper insight into the workings of an economy, but I must say, the few "crazy" students who intend to get a degree in Economics are very brilliant students, i.e. Angie and Jun Hao...wonder why? :P

------

Yeah well. A Levels has been exhilarating. The freedom and the "adultness" of it all can sometimes go to one's head though (Papa, Mama, I didn't skip that many classes!Really! Only two or three!). Hahahah. Nerdy streak coming through. Anyways, I look back on these days with a fond smile, which is more than what I can say for my high school *bleurgh*. Even the exams are not so stressful, because it's modular based and nicely spaced out. Sigh. Can't say the same for my upcoming examinations though. Horrible timetable :(.

Wah. Damn tired now. My brain dead already. Was awake since 6 am *sniff* and no naps in between somemore. Okayla. Might continue my dissertation on college life another time, if you're lucky :P Joking.

College is fun and all. But in the end, I still think that life as a student sucks big time BECAUSE OF EXAMS. :'( But that, of course, is worth another entry :P

P/s - Sinthi is the best, the prettiest, the slimmest, the kindest, the wonderefullest, the smartest et al :P (She made me do it! I was forced to! Don't come after me with a parang if you disagree) Hehehe. jokingla. Yes I think you're a wonderful friend. Happy? :P

Life is not that simple.

2005-05-09T23:34:00.000+08:00

I saw an advertisement for Nescafe on tv just a while ago. It says that we can all "feel happiness, savour the satisfaction etc etc" and generally feel like the world is a bed of roses. To achieve that, it seems you just have to start your day right with a cup of steaming hot Nescafe in the mornings.

Well, nice try.

Watching that advert made me so disgusted. It is promising something that it couldn't possibly deliver. How the heck will one cup of coffee in the morning make your whole day better? If just by drinking a cup of coffee will automatically guarantee that my life will be smooth-sailing, then I'd gladly convert to caffeine-ism.

I know it's unfair to just point out Nescafe's advert. In fact, the advertising industry is built based on illusions and fantasies. The whole point of advertisements is to seduce the consumer into consuming their product, and to do that, they will promise the stars and the moon. Another example. The advert for the Xpax prepaid which features Shamser strolling across rooms, generally being the life of the party. That is ridiculous. How can the fact that you have a Celcom line make you the belle of the ball (or prince or whatever)?

In the end, advertisement do eventually successfully seduce the consumers into buying their products, because essentially, the consumer is buying into an illusion, a concept of lifestyle. Well, we all gravitate towards escapism, don't we? We want so much to believe that this certain product will change our lives, right what's wrong and make us feel as perfect as the advertisements promise. Reality is difficult to accept. It's harsh and it doesn't compromise.

Anyway, about the Nescafe advert. I'm also kinda irked at the fact that the people in the advert don't seem to have any worries at all. I'm sitting here, grappling with difficult decisions and doubts every second of my life and you're telling me a good cuppa coffee can cure it all? Please, don't insult my intelligence. There is so much under the surface and advertisements just gloss over what life is really about.

Aih. I'm just ranting because my life isn't exactly advertisement material right now. I have made so many decisions over the past few weeks which I still wonder about. Did I do the right thing? Will they all work out for the best or will I live to rue the day I made them? There's also a lot going on right now, all demanding equal time and attention and frankly, I don't have enough of either (don't we all?). Everyone lives life faced with constant indecision, fear and worries. It's just dumb to imply that a product will make it all better in an instant.

In a nutshell, it's not fun to be Foong Jin right now. I miss times when there is no worries, no responsibilities and no fear. But we have to grow up one day. I just wish that day isn't approaching quite so fast.

To end this post, please read Essential Beauty by Philip Larkin. It's one of my favourite poem in the collection of poetry in The Whitsun Weddings. I feel it totally ties in with the advertisement part of my entry. As for my life....well, just read any confused, dark and foreboding poem. Then you'll have a vague idea :P (okayla, I'm exaggerating. )

My new ambition. :P

2005-05-02T23:29:00.000+08:00

Songs are so wonderful! I wanna be a songwriter!

There's nothing more beautiful than poetry with music.

:)

I want to pen lyrics that are meaningful and touching! If only I had a background in music, things would be so much easier...Oh well. Let's just concentrate on the lyrics part, shall we? :P

Good luck to me! :D

In line with my new career choice, I would like a Creative Zen Micro Mp3 Player, preferably the 6 gig model in orange colour. Those who haven't gotten me a birthday present, here's your chance! :D Of course, a 40 gig iPod would be even better, but I leave it up to you :).

Sigh. I guess my two months holidays would be working and scrimping to buy a Mp3 player...

And the Oscar goes tooooooo................

2005-05-01T15:19:00.000+08:00

Happy Belated 19th Birthday to Foong Jin.

Thank you.

Special mentions:

Samantha Chan - Thanks for sending a birthday gift ALL the way from Australia and enclosing a pweety necklace with it. :D (p/s - I'll overlook the fact that the card says "OH SHIT!") :D Nah...joking. I appreciate the gesture!

Tim - For sms-ing exactly when 28th April arrives. On the dot somemore :D.

Ai-Nee - Thanks for calling and wishing me from Aus! It's been ages since I spoke to you and it was great catching up! Can't wait for you to come back and then we'll yak somemore! Take care!

Rose - Such a sweet gesture! Thanks for the yummy choc cake, even though it was your birthday as well :D

Sinthi and Selina - Hahahah! What a surprise! Thanks for being such wonderful friends and being there when I needed you guys! I totally didn't expect the cake and all. :) Thanks for everything you two have done for me :) Love you both! Best birthday ever because of you two!

Jarod - What else can I say? :) Thanks for Saturday. Best belated birthday celebration ever! :D It was a great day, a great drive, a great detour and a great ending. :D Memories, memories...

Karven - All the way from Johor! :D Thanks so much. A pack of green tea is waiting for you. Hahaha.

Trent, Wai Kit, Debbie, Afzal, Mun Ling, Pui Li, Voon Wei, Sue Faye, Catherine, Ash, Mabel, Yi Wenn, Anna, Kah Wai, Victor, plus everyone at college - Thanks for calling/sms-ing/emailing/messaging on Friendster birthday greetings :) Nice to know that you all haven't forgotten me. :P

Okay. Award ceremony over. Let's focus.

EXAMS STARTING IN 23 DAYS! OMYGOD! *runs around naked and pulling hair out* Hahaha. Not really :P. Upside - Freedom is inching closer. Downside - FUCKING EXAMSLA. Why must exams ALWAYS precede holidays? Can't we have holidays without exams?!

Feel so lethargic, but have to get to work. *cracks knuckles* Well, after I finish perusing The Sunday Star.

Oh Happy Labour Day! Thanks for working hard and earning money and, urm, spending it thereby creating a multiplier effect, and thus helping our economy grow. (I think that's how it goes...gonna flunk my econs!!!)

Entries will be extremely sporadic and infrequent. Not that it has been anything but that. But after exams, waaah, I'll update every few hours until everyone is sick of me! :D I look forward to that, don't you?

Another one!

2005-04-24T23:48:00.000+08:00

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin' for
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

Look all around, there’s nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.

- I Can See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash

What is it with me and song lyrics, you wonder?

Well, I find that songs have this uncanny way to put all your emotions into words :) There's a song for almost every emotion you can ever experience. It's like if you find the song for what you're feeling, you can TOTALLY indentify with every single line of the song. Then the song will have a special meaning for you. It's like your own private secret. Everyone can identify with the very same song a million different ways and it's what so wonderful about songs. :) They are yours and mine, but the memories cherished within them are eternal.

I wish that I can write songs which everyone can identify with. There must be no greater compliment than when someone comes up to you and say, "It's a beautiful song you wrote. Every single line you wrote touched my heart." Waaaaah. Sure kembang man. I want also :P Gimme! I want that satisfaction that you feel when you helped someone put into words how they feel within! I WANT!

Who wants to be my ghost lyrics-writer? :D I will lend you my *ahem*influential*ahem* name :). Oh, and we'll split the profits, too, of course. Leave your details (email addy esp) at the tagboard and I'll get back to you :) Hahahaha.

the end.

2005-04-24T15:25:00.000+08:00

So sleepy.

Been through so much.

I wanna sleep.

And never wake up.

rubs belly in satisfaction

2005-04-21T15:14:00.000+08:00

Wah. Yesterday was one of the best days I had in college, although the fun technically took place after college hours. I hate writing about daily events, so here's the summary:

Went to Sheryl's house after law class (this law class isn't that boring because it was revising criminal law areas). Then Rohan and Sharil started playing some football game on Sheryl's PS2 while I laze on Sheryl's ultra-comfortable* massage chair. After the boys a re done playing several rounds of football, it's Sheryl's and my turn to play "Burnout" on the PS. At 8 somethine, we headed to Kampung Baru to sample the famous Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa. Mmm. I gotta say, one of the better sambal and sotong that I have ever tasted. The drinks there are also yummy :) Hahah, well, at least the Limau Ais is good :P Dunno about the rest. During the meal, everyone was eating silently, because of hunger I think, but I was making noise as usual. I started eating first and finished last :P. *Cough cough* Well, I was trying to eat slowly so that I won't choke :P. After the nasi lemak, we walked further down the row to eat ais kacang that Rohan introduced. I tell you, people who live in Kampung Baru are so lucky. The ais kacang is one of the best also. Lol. Don't ask me to describe how it's good. I'm a lousy critic. I can only distinguish between yummy and puke-inducing. The night was made more fun by the good company I was in, namely, Sheryl, Rohan, Sharil and Yew Sun. A night of good food and good friends indeed.

ultra-comfortable* = only if it isn't switched on. The rollers were kneading painfully into me when they are on. Once I swear I could feel it kneading my liver. Bleh. :( Sorry Sheryl.

Yeah well. Today is not the day for a post of deep thoughts or ponderous ruminations. Hehehe. I'm feeling excited because I'm going out later. Yay! My thoughts are jumping all over the place. Okayla. Will talk about something less pointless soon.....I hope.

*Off to get ready!*

Oh yeah, check out the Stockholm Absolut Ice Bar. So chun. I wanna go. Whoever is going to Stockholm please stow me in your luggage!

Ah. Time flies.

2005-04-17T15:49:00.000+08:00

It's exactly 30 days today.

Hope there will be many more happy posts in the future to commemorate what we have.

:)

Late night
Early morning
We talked until there was nothing left to say
It was strange
The war was on
But I've never felt so safe
No, I've never seen better days

You laughed
You understood something unfamiliar
And I didn't think I could feel this way
I was cold and tired
And that world outside was hungry
But I've never seen better days, better days
No, I've never seen better days

Headlines were tragic
But it didn't seem to matter
It was easier then to turn the other way
From the ruins of rage
I guess we were scared
But I've never seen better days, better days
No, I've never seen better days

And when I kissed you
Concealing my confusion
Of what I knew but just couldn't say
I love you, I love you
Oh, how I love you
And I've never seen better days, better days
No, I've never seen better days

The end is here...
The end is here...
The end is here...

And I've never seen better days, better days
No, I've never seen better days .

-Better Days by Five for Fighting.

How perfectly appropriate.

I have a dream (lol. Plagiarised from Debbie)

2005-04-14T22:21:00.000+08:00

My dream is that one day, I will be hardworking and motivated enough to create a blog entry complete with pictures for illustrations purposes. I know everyone likes to look at pictures and dislike reading long, rambling posts which I seem to be so proficient at.

Therefore, this post shall be a reminder to my conscience. I vow to do a photolog...one day. :) Guess you'd have to constantly check back to see if it's done. Muahahaha. (Honestly, I didn't meant to tease. It's just that it's a hassle taking the pics, uploading them, resizing them, then uploading them to Imageshack, then copying the code, and also typing the entry. :P )

NASI LEMAK NASI LEMAK and the other end of the spectrum.

2005-04-14T20:53:00.000+08:00

Oohh...going to sample the famous Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa next Wednesday after law class (if it doesn't rain). My mouth is salivating at the thought of it. The best food in the world has gotta be nasi lemak sambal sotong. Lol. I have just finished my dinner and as I typed "nasi lemak sambal sotong", the saliva glands over-activated again. Ishk. Greedy greedy. Oh I just thought of another yummy meal - lamb chops. Shoot. If I gotta choose, I think I'd die, knowing how indecisive I am. I can probably guess the outcome though. One way or another, I'll eat both! After all, it's not everyday you get to indulge in your favouritest food in the world! Mmmmm...

So if nasi lemak is ambrosia, then what's at the other end of the spectrum? HELL. That's what. And no, it has nothing to do with food.

This week has been an ache for me, literally. My wisdom tooth is growing out, so I get gum aches during the day occasionally. However, it's when I wake from a night's rest that the ache REALLY hurts. I used to doubt the existence of gum ache, but now, I'm a devout believer. It's not painful, per se, but it's annoying and irritating, something like a constant buzz in your ears.

Remember the annoyingly itchy bumps? Well, they haven't went away. If anything, they seem to be banding together now. I get SIMULTANEOUS itches on both my legs yesterday and today. Different areas though. If anyone care enough to check, my thighs are like war zones. There are bruises*, red spots due to broken capillaries (scratch, scratch) and bumps. Urgh. I wonder if my legs will ever revert back to the old, scarless self. I used to love wearing skirts, but now I'm having second thoughts at exposing my spotty legs to the world. :( My mom believes that the itches occured because of an allergy, but to what?! I don't remember varying my diet this week also :( Well, there is something, but I'm hoping I'm not allergic to it. If I am, I'm going to commit suicide. Maybe.

* = The bruises are caused when I slapped my thighs to assuage the itchyness, instead of scratching them because I didn't want to leave a mass of red spots after an intensive scratch session. So, now I have bruises. The weird thing is, I don't think I slapped my thighs hard enough for bruises to form. Damn strange.

As if those are not enough, I have been consistently hurting myself accidentally over the past few days. Monday - papercut. Wednesday - accidentally dug my nail into my wrist. Thursday - freaking painful papercut. And I got the papercut whilst distributing law notes to my friends. No good deed ever goes unpunished.

Where did this barrage of physical aches and cuts come from I wonder? I have never experienced ALL of them concurrently.

Ah let's just focus on nasi lemak and be happy again! :) Ooh. Found out today that the nasi lemak sold at the Ramly burger stall outside of Wisma Perdana is delicious. Lol. That's it la. I'm going to have nasi lemak for lunch every single day now. Ah....heaven indeed.

It finally happened.

2005-04-13T21:38:00.000+08:00

First, the hinges came off whilst I overenthusiastically pull opened the doors, resulting in it gaping and swinging awkwardly from the remaining two hinges.

Secondly, the nails that held the plywood separated from the lower section broke off. It was repaired eventually, but I forgot who did it.

Then the plastic holder which housed the metal rod tore a little, leaving the rod bending dangerously downwards under the weight of the clothing while it hangs on precariously.

This morning, it finally gave up. The plastic holder tore completely, bringing down with it the metal rod and the clothing it held for so many years.

Yeap, the wardrobe has taken its last bow.

I solemnly thank the wardrobe for many years of dedicated service. It has been with my family since before I was born, I think. It lived with us in Seri Gombak and moved to Serdang with us as well. Formerly my parents', it was passed down to my sister and I when my parents ordered custom made shelving for their room. It is a loyal companion of the Ng family and bears testimony to the many generations and trends of clothing which resided in its hallowed cavern. It witnessed the shoulder-pads, retro polka dots, polyester pants phase till the skimpy shorts and large t-shirts phase. Finally, the fickle sisters have settled on their personal styles which is bright, vibrant and different/classic, muted with flattering cuts.

Indeed, the wardrobe has survived many storms and is the silently stoic accomplice when naughty siblings would stash bolsters or chocolates in it. It has lived an eventful and heroic (cliched leh?) life and now it's time for it to...

Be transformed into a shelf!

That's right! Fear not, O Wardrobe! We, the Ngs, do not forget your faithful service so easily. We shall not cast thee out onto the streets to brave the rain and sun all alone. Mrs Ng has innonvatively decided to nail some paku and add planks of wood so that you'll be reborn a shelf to keep bedsheets, extra blankets and pillows etc. Your legend will live on! The story of your valiant fight shall be passed on to our grandchildren and their grandchildren!

Therefore, the moral of the story is - it pays to be faithful to the Ngs. :)

Taylor's College is having their two weeks holidays which comes after every three months or so.

2005-04-12T20:09:00.000+08:00

Lucky students.

I think that must be why so many students prefer to go to Taylor's than HELP.

Although certain Taylor's students take tuition from certain lecturers from HELP.

It must be the fortnight-long holidays.

I shall await my turn patiently. June 28th will be here before I know it.

Now, onto more pleasant matters, my birthday is coming soon! april 28! Hahaha. Couldn't resist.

Personally, I don't get the whole fuss over birthdays. For example, there are (many) people who will throw birthday parties to herald the coming of age, be it 16, 18 or 21 (or anything in between for that matter). I don't see what is so special about those "milestone" ages that you have to do something special to welcome it. After all, you only get to be a certain age once in your life right? If you want to celebrate your birthday, it's only fair to celebrate it every year or not at all. Oh well, why am I complaining? Birthday parties are great excuses to dress up, wear make up and generally forget about mundane daily activities for a few hours. So people, throw more birthday parties and invite me, yeah! :D (joking)

But yeah, I'm a hypocrite. I TOTALLY believe in birthday presents :D Hahaha. Birthdays are the best time to ask for what you want and GET it! Of course, I would rather be pleasantly surprised to get presents on days that are not my birthday. :)

On to more random stuff. My legs are itching like crazy. Why? Because damn annoyingly itchy bumps have appeared along my legs for no good reason at all. It's so difficult to resist scratching, but if I don't want unsightly red spots to appear around the bumps, I have to NOT scratch. Argh! I don't see any insects hovering around my legs, not to mention I have been wearing jeans the past few days. How in the world did I get itchy bumps on my legs? Ishk. Maybe it's the body shampoo I'm using. Lol. Can people actually get an allergic reaction from using a wrong body shampoo?

Since I am not on holidays, I don't think I should continue this pointless entry anymore. I should *ahem* study and then watch "America's Next Top Model 3". I'm rooting for Controversial Diva Eva. Ann has also come a long way since her insecure, clingy days. There's another Cantonese movie starring Tony Leung Chiu Wai (so "shuai"!) on tv also. Decisions, decisions..

If I had all the time in the world

2005-04-12T00:34:00.000+08:00

I would slowly and painstakingly tweeze every hair on my arms and legs with a pair of tweezers.

There's just something satisfying about trapping the hair (the closer to the roots the better its grip :P) between the flat steel plates of the tweezers and then pulling it out smoothly from the root. It would be even better if there is no pain, but sadly, I experience a momentary flare of pain (something like an ant bite) most of the time I pull a hair out. If there is no pain, right, it's almost fascinating to see the hair come out from the skin without feeling anything. It's quite a wonderful and addictive experience.

The satisfaction I get from tweezing can be liken to the satisfaction one gets from popping a pimple. It's when you know you are doing your body a favour and ridding it of ugly stuff. After tweezing the hair to reveal smooth, gleaming skin, woah, the satisfaction is immense. There is just no better feeling in the world when the irritating and disgusting globule of pus ooze out and everything is clean and clear (what a catchy name!) once again. What, you thought that all girls come with fuzz-free and blemish-free skin?

If only I dedicate so much time to my studies, life would be perfect. I'll conquer the world with my smooth, hairless and clear skin.

The fresh air of cyberspace.

2005-04-08T21:27:00.000+08:00

Ahhhh. Finally being able to go online. My wireless router's USB port (or something like that) conked out a few days ago, due to unknown reasons. Probably wanted to frustrate me to death, OR make me study more now that I can't go online :(

BUT lucky got laptop. Muahahahah! Take that! :P

So why am I so itchy to go online everyday? Don't go online for a few days will die issit?

Reasons:

- Skype! Free Internet Telephony that just works! I love skype! :D usually I'm always on "away" mode in MSN and chatting on skype with my bf or friends who are overseas or even locally. All you need is a mic (which cost a measly Rm12) and you're set to go. :D Saves me from typing also.

- Reading blogs. If I'm not skype-ing, then I'm reading blogs. Those on the sidebar under "Reading List" I check whenever I'm online. Although Tucker Max is only releasing the new stories on his member site :(. So if you love him (or me) very much, do subscribe and then share the log-in name and password with me. Ah well, all is not lost though. For my dose of (majority) American humour, I read his Message Board. Really interesting stuff they talk about there. Can get engrossed for hours just reading the TMMB.

However, this blog piques my interest although I have no idea what he's talking about. However, I vow to master the language well enough to read the blog at least :D

- Friendster (but of course). I used to be vehemently anti-Friendster because I thought that the people who signed up are people who just want to suck up to others so that others will write a glowing testimonial for them. However, that all changed the day I found my primary school friends on Friendster. Friendster is a great tool for keeping in touch with friends (duh), especially for lazy people like me who dislike talking on the phone or sms-ing, because your friends are just a few clicks away (Log In -> Edit Friends -> Send a Message). So ideal right? And can check out your friend's latest camwhoring activities somemore :D

However there are some people on Friendster who piss me off, namely ah lians who do the pouty-lips-goldfish-eyes- pose and try to be cute (okayla, I can't pull it off also. A bit jealous :P) and the ah bengs who starts messages with "Wanna be a fren?" or "you are the beautiful lady of my dreamz". Hello. I said present/old friends ONLY. You wanna add chicks to your pathetic list of friends so much, go add the ah lians la, you know, those who advertise their email accounts so that the "add a friend" process is so much easier? Don't let their efforts go to waste AND don't waste my energy for pressing the delete button.

- check my email, although this is mostly out of habitla. I don't have a constant email buddy so the stuff that appears in my inbox is forwarded mails and daily horoscope readings. Hahaha. They are quite accurate at times :) Well, it's just for fun anyways. Gmail rocks because they offer me 2 gigs of free storage. Google rocks la basically, cos Blogger is under google also.

Hmm. After going through the said list, I don't really do anything else already. I usually read the blogs lastla, because they require the most time and effort. Hahaha. And the reason I wrote this post is because I wanna keep the links handy. Damn lazy to always type or click or scroll through "My Favourites" :D. Thanks for reading!

Happy Belated Birthday to Kon :)

2005-04-08T20:16:00.000+08:00

For your belated present, I suggest you visit this page :) Have a good time :P *wink*

ARGHGHGHGHGHGH

2005-03-28T18:37:00.000+08:00

Why the hell the Hello thingy to upload picture so frustrating wan?! I've been trying to create a photolog for the past half and hour but everytime I click "publish" the pictures are posted as separate entries. Aiyoh. Very no mood to do liao :( How do I upload multiple pictures without them all appearing as separate entries? Help!

The centre of my universe.

2005-03-27T01:25:00.000+08:00

The forces of nature revolve around you. :)

Lovely.

Outta the way! I'm gonna HURL!

2005-03-27T00:13:00.000+08:00

Ahh. Feel like vomiting. Think it's because I was looking at the template code just now. The itsy bitsy font is enough to give me that car-sick feeling. Eyes are strained. Feel a headache coming on.

And there's this Eng Lit work hanging over my head. WHY?! :P Yes, if anybody is interested to help, please view this and gimme comments. The other piece is a compare and contrast kinda thing. My lecturer didn't put down the authors' names and I can't be bothered to type the whole damn thing out. Guess I'll have to work that by myself then.

SO DIFFICULT.

My tummy is queasy.

Food for thought? Ahahah.

2005-02-28T21:41:00.000+08:00

Hmm..My pathetic lack of regular updates probably mean that I don't speak hastily or incoherently :P

Anyways, just watched Sepet today. I'm quite impressed, but since the director/writer is also the one in charge of all the Petronas adverts during the festivities, I guess that kind of standard is only to be expected.

It's a simple love story built upon a simple premise, therin lies its beauty. In fact, the style of this movie kinda reminds me of Children of Heaven. Both these movies stay true to their respective cultural identity. I would say that they have character. Every scene, every line, every expression, every nuance carries the weight of emotions behind them. How unlike Hollywood fluff which is all dross :)

A thought occured to me though. Why would I be so impressed with Sepet? Am I unconsciously judging it on a totally different (i.e lower) standard JUST because it's a local film? As every Malaysian knows, local Malaysian films aren't anything to shout about, apart from the much-hyped Puteri Gunung Ledang (but even that has its detractors). Would I be similarly impressed if, say, Hollywood decides to film a show about a black guy with a white chick (it's been done before, but then the love angle was just a subplot)?

But then, the movie itself is so uniquely Malaysian. In every scene, I can recognize the traits and quirks of us Malaysians, like the wooden red table Jason's family eat dinner with, the sly poke against Singaporeans, the pasar, the jokes and yes, the ubiquitous pirated VCD seller of course... :) Watch out for the social commentary that is cleverly included in it also :) I would have missed it if not for my friend who pointed each instances out. I guess this is regionalism at its best. Someone who hasn't lived in Malaysia for several years would perhaps come out of the cinema puzzled and unable to appreciate the jokes.

I guess there IS no fair gauge to compare Sepet against. How can you compare the essence of one country with another? It's like saying mutton curry is nicer than asam laksa. Both are spicy and both have their unique flavour. :) And I guess, essentially, that's what Sepet is. It is a representation of Malaysia, warts and all. But I still love it anyway :)

A grain of truth?

2005-02-22T18:20:00.000+08:00

I wonder why I find it so difficult to blog. Some people seem to find it a cinch to blog about anything and everything. I wonder if it's their refreshing point of view that gives them so much to write about or they are just naturally good writers who can find something inspiring in everyhting they see/do daily.

One such blogger I look up to is Xiaxue, who is able to blog out her innermost feelings without fear. She is also creative and one heck of a witty writer. I aspire to be like her. But I know even in a hundred years, I could never achieve what she has done with her blog. I can't find it in me to blog about my innermost feelings to the public to read. Hmm. Okay, I just realized I might be an intensely private person. Shall reflect more :P

So, my friend asked me, why one entry in 5 days (now more-la, obviously) This is my answer. Silly as it may sound, I was afraid of disappointing my readers (lol. sounds so grand, but in reality only one or two la) if my entry is boring or not up to standards. It's quite silly, isn't it? After all, a blog is a place where the blogger can write about anything and everything and screw the consequence (within legal limits of course). I place the blame wholly on my overly self-consciousness. Right. This entry seems to be turning into a psychiatric report.

Lol. I have to focus on one thing at a time. Chatting and blogging don't mix. Who said women can multitask?! Keep losing track of what I want to say. :P

ANYWAYS. Lol. Okay. This is super-deviation. What is above was typed before I went out to makan dinner, and now I'm back from dinner. Lol.

Ahaha Was reading comics at Perry Bible Fellowship. Hahaha. My friend who recommended it to me said it's dark humour, and yes, some of it is seriously twisted :P There are some lame ones, some "huh" ones, but overall it's pretty entertaining :)

Okay. This entry is getting kinda pointless, because I'm chatting, reading comics and doing this at the same time. Shall end it here.

deep breath Ahhh.

2005-02-15T20:48:00.000+08:00

Have you ever wondered why people start relationships? For me, it would be because I want someone to hold me and tell me everything will be all right even though the world may be crumbling down around me. That is what a relationship should offer - comfort and security. It is a sense of loving and being loved, knowing that the other party has you in their thoughts all day and vice versa. Having a relationship is more than just "I like you, you like me, so let's get together" I believe. It is definitely more complex than mere infatuation. I would like to believe that my relationships in the future are based on something more solid than physical attraction.

Today I have never felt my single-ness more acutely. I was worried about whether I would be able to further my education as I had planned because of financial difficulties (Why the hell is UK's exchange rate so darn high?!). I have been over this with my father plenty of times, but as always, he cannot promise me anything beyond my final year in university. (What I intend to do is my final year in UK plus another year for BAR, if I get accepted. Now, I would like to tell you that I am the type of person who needs everything to be planned out, ESPECIALLY in something as important as my FUTURE.) Obviously, such an answer won't set my worried soul at ease, but my dad refused to say anything more.

Faced with such obstinance, what could I do? So I just tuned my family out. As I sat at the dinner table, I thought "How nice would it be if I had someone whom I can confide in and can console me." Lol. I believe that I was thinking wistfully and longingly, not unlike a dramatic heroine in some tearjerker. When you are at such a low point, you will start believing that being lonely is the hardest pain to take. At least, that's what I felt. I started yearning for a soulmate to ease my anguished soul. Haha. But, as I am writing this after a few hours, I'm glad I didn't give in to my impulse and do something that I would most likely regret. You want a balm for your tortured soul? Find some good friends who have their heads screwed on right. I'm really happy I have a few of them. They keep me from doing stupid mistakes.

Okay. After editing the templates and tweaking the html, I kinda lost track of why I started this entry. I guess the easiest way to let go of anger, frustration and all sorts of "unhealthy" emotions is just to occupy your mind with something else. Good luck.